There You Are

A poetic word-sketch about finding my person.

On my walk to work today I saw someone who reminded me of all those years ago -

When everything went sideways.

I was in love with you, but terrified so I left you for someone I could never love.

Little did I know another was pining after me even though he was supposedly taken.

I remembered how so many thought I was with you as a substitute for him -

Those who didn't know you couldn't see how wrong they were.

I knew what I wanted.

What I wanted was you.

My mind hummed with the memory of finding our way back to each other -

To steal sultry kisses in the kitchen while our two-halves-made-whole eats breakfast in the other room.

I used to think there was something wrong with me -

My inability to stay with another for long.

But as the wind danced with my hair,

I realized I had been searching for a very specific someone…

Someone like that wind -

A knowing that couldn't be seen so much as felt.

Someone who could wade into the storm raging in me,

And not shrink away.

Someone who could hold my scars in their hand

And still honestly whisper, "beautiful".

Someone who could see all of me, the hypocrisies and contradictions, the insecurities and tenacity,

And lean in.

Someone who wouldn't just "handle" my push-back, but meet it with strength and stability -

A loving rootedness that says "I will not be moved".

Someone who wasn't comfortable on the surface, but lived and breathed in the deep -

Someone who could match my deep dive into the ocean of chaos that is life.

Someone who could see my drive, without intimidation,

And encourage me to seek new heights.

Someone who knew deep wounds -

And from those deep wounds developed a capacity for deep love.

Someone who believed in doing what was right even and especially when it's hard -

Someone who could look the suck square in the eyes and say "bring it on".

Someone who knew the seduction of intelligent conversation -

To run his fingers through the tendrils of the simultaneous trains of thought always running through my mind.

Someone who could take "no" for an answer without pouting or punishing.

Someone who could wait, for however long, until I was ready.

So on that night that our shells cracked open, exposing the heavily guarded cores beneath,

My soul looked at your soul and whispered "there you are".